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Call Him Christopher
My Letters to “Chris”
Matthews
of HARDBALL
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A Little Book of Biblical Proportions
by
© 2005
Foreword
Christopher "Chris" Matthews is the young
man who hosts HARDBALL on MSNBC Monday through Friday
at 2 and 4 PM, California time. He can also be seen
at other times, as management deems appropriate. His
is a program for thinking people, and I urge you to
watch him.
I am not one to become a fan of the famous. I have
only written letters to two other famous people in my
entire life. One was to Arlene Francis, radio and television
star, and two were to Kathryn Kuhlman, the colorful
evangelist who passed away in 1976. Both of these lovely
women responded in the most gracious ways. Miss Francis
wrote to me on a beautiful card which I still have framed
in silver. Miss Kuhlman dictated her communications
which were typed on her Kathryn Kuhlman Foundation letterhead
and signed by her.
So, no, I do not become obsessed with the famous. For
one thing, I am far too involved in promoting my own
agenda (www.edwardbaskett.com) to be bothered with such
activity. Most would consider it to be a waste of time.
However, Christopher is a different story. I am very
much like my mother was in that I am a "news junky.”
I want to know what is going on in the world around
me on a daily basis, and Christopher provides that news
in a scintillating manner. I also love to tease people
I like a lot.
With his shock of baby-blond hair, his clean-cut good
looks, his brilliant mind, and his dignified and refined
personality, he made the perfect target for a little
good-natured chucking under the chin.
What you are about to read are the letters I have written
to him over several years. Some are downright silly,
some are blistering and outrageous, while others contain
my thoughts on life and the experiences that go with
it. All were written with the hope of making him laugh,
and to encourage him not to take himself too seriously.
There is no profanity or dirty words to be found in
this little book. However, there is a good bit of innuendo.
Of course, it is my earnest hope that you, the reader,
will not be offended. In the beginning, I would sign
my full name, but as I felt more comfortable writing
to him, I switched to my nickname, "Tink.”
The letters are not shown in chronological order.
Nearly all the letters were written directly to Christopher;
however, some were written to members of his staff,
or to others with whom I had communicated about him.
There are no two ways about it: Christopher is special,
and I can say with certainty there is not a father or
mother alive who would not want him as his or her son.
Again, not unlike my mother, I love the name Christopher.
It contains the name of Christ, you know.
Edward Eugene Baskett - Author
We also invite
you to read the first three chapters of Edward Eugene
Baskett's
e-book, "ENTRAPPED"
and
also, read ... I Leap Over Their Heads
Would
you like more information? Click here to e-mail Edward
E. Baskett
YOU HAVE BEEN CLONED!
DEAR CHRISTOPHER -
You are not going to believe this, but the other day,
it was raining cats and dogs here in Crestline, CA.
I had to go to the post office to get my mail. Suddenly,
your clone appeared before me. I thought it was an apparition.
The guy was your height and weight with blond hair.
He was wearing a black trench coat that must have weighed
at least 25 pounds, came to his ankles. Now, I have
seen some trench coats in my day, but never anything
like this one! As I stood next to this enormous man,
I felt like a little weasel. I touched the coat, asking
about the material from which it was made. He explained
that it was some sort of fabric that had been impregnated
with oil. He told me that it is the coat whalers use
in the Antarctic. For all the world, he looked like
Darth Vader. As we chatted, he kept fiddling with the
metal hooks, trying to get them to connect.
I told him that, like you, he looked very menacing.
He denied the charge.
Christopher, I think it is just wonderful to have one
of "our golden boy" up here in the mountains
of Southern California, but "don't spread yourself
too thin."
CLONING!! What hath man wrought?
Tink
LETTER TO ANDREW LACK OF NBC REGARDING
CHRISTOPHER MATTHEWS
DEAR MR. LACK -
Last week, Christopher appeared on HARDBALL with the
collar of his shirt standing away from the shirt, itself.
This happened two nights in a row. Of course, the viewing
audience was simply aghast.
Quite frankly, I am amazed that Mrs. Matthews would
allow "our golden boy" to leave the house
"looking like that."
It is now abundantly clear to me: Christopher needs
a P. A. (personal assistant) to take care of "the
little things," thereby freeing him up to handle
world affairs. It is even more clear that Mrs. Matthews
has neither the time nor inclination to deal with such
matters because of her own career in broadcasting.
I would like to apply for the job. For a measly $300,000.00
a year (which is what I was making before GE "screwed"
the hell out of me), I am willing to "come back
there" and take on the responsibility. Why, under
my tutelage, Christopher will have "the chicks
and babes" (to use his terms) swooning all over
him. My references and credentials are impeccable. You
may view my resume, in part, by going to www.edwardbaskett.com.
Why don't we "give it a whirl?" You can't
tell what 6 months might do.
With kindest regards,
Edward Eugene Baskett
"I take BIG, and I spend BIG!"
Aimee Semple McPherson
I AM SO HAPPY!!
DEAR CHRISTOPHER -
I am so happy that you are back safely from your trip
to South Africa. I am sure your many viewers missed
you, as I did.
I hasten to point out, I was on the verge of contacting
Andrew Lack over at NBC and telling him to "fill
your shoes" with James Cramer of "America
Now.” He, like you, looks like a big, healthy
baby with beady little eyes. Too cute!!
While not as dignified and refined as you, James is
colorful and fiery in his own right. The nice thing
about James is, he doesn't have hair for me to "worry
myself to death about."
Anyway, you are back, and your job is secure. Remember
me to Andrew the next time you see him. Give him my
kindest regards.
Cordially,
EDWARD EUGENE BASKETT
AXIS OF EVIL
DEAR CHRISTOPHER -
EVIL!!
EVIL-DOERS!!
AXIS OF EVIL!!
Bless God!! Sounds like the White House is turnin'
into an ol'-time Pentecostal camp meetin'! That or a
witch’s coven.
TINK
NOTE: This one was prompted by President Bush’s
now infamous Axis of Evil speech.
AXIS OF EVIL PT. II
DEAR CHRISTOPHER -
Just watched your wonderful program. The thing that
caught my eye was the discussion about "The Axis
of Evil.” Your guests were excellent.
The next time President Bush has you over for cocktails,
you might casually point out the following two scriptures
to him. I am sure that as a Bible-belt theologian, he
will be grateful to you.
"A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous
words stir up anger."
“ A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold
in pictures of silver."
These words sound so much better than "Axis of
Evil.” I am certain that you and Andrew Lack agree
with me.
Cordially,
Edward Eugene Baskett
THE OIL CRISIS
DEAR CHRISTOPHER -
Poor, foolish humanity: Thank God, I'm here.
There is a great hue and cry for "mo' oil.”
I humbly submit I think I have the answer to part of
the problem.
The Government should require that all cars made in,
or coming into, this country have manual transmissions
in one-half of them. It is a well-known fact that manual
transmissions get at least 3 to 4 more miles to the
gallon of gas over automatics. Multiplying this by the
millions of cars sold in this gluttonous country each
year, it is easy to calculate the savings.
There are enough butch men in this country who need
to "butch it up" by doing a little shifting.
It will do them a world of good. Save the automatics
for the little old ladies from Pasadena.
Now, see? Wasn't that easy? Millions of gallons of
gas saved by an organizational wizard born on a chicken
farm in Clarita, Oklahoma.
Cordially,
Edward Eugene Baskett
Would
you like more information about this project? Click
here to e-mail Edward E. Baskett
...
or visit him online at: www.EdwardBaskett.com
We also invite you to read
the first three chapters of Edward Eugene Baskett's
e-book, "ENTRAPPED"
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